Bullshitting

        It's a part of our life. We all know it. We're all familiar with it. We've all done it. And we all see it. With their fake smiles and polite gestures. No one likes it when its called out into the light. To find out someone is being fake. Why can’t people just chill and be themselves. To be a "bullshitter" means not to be yourself and pretend to be someone else. But what defines who one truly is?

There are two types of bullshitting. Positive and negative. Both are generally looked down upon. There is the type of bullshitting when someone wears a fake smile, or pretends to actually care when they don’t. We see it all the time. People pretending to be friendly when you know they could give a shit. But what we don’t seem to realize is that this particular type of bullshitting is imperative in growing in character. When someone bullshits like this, they are being opposite of who they are at that time and how they truly feel. But then again, who we are can always change and is always changing. Who we are is defined by how we feel, think, speak and act. No one is permanently "who they are" at any specific point in time. We can choose who we are. And by bullshitting, we are trying to do just that. When someone is in a bad mood and chooses to smile, wave and say have a nice day to someone they pass on the street, that person is going against how they truly feel. One could call it lying and one could call it being "fake". But one can also call it virtuous and loving. Someone can be angry at or dislike a particular person, but instead of punching them in the face or acting on spite, they are overly polite and friendly, pretending that there is no problem. You could call this dishonest or just simply bullshitting yourself and that person. Or you could call it being humble, or choosing to be kind. You see, it is more than just "being fake" when we decide to act against our negative emotions or our "natural" ways of being. It's fulfilling an obligation to love. To love even when you don’t want to. To be kind even when you hate. To be humble when you are angry.

Little do we know, this type of bullshitting plays a huge part in who we choose to become, despite all of our flaws. It's like the term "fake it till you make it". When an anti-social person that struggles with confidence and low self-esteem pretends to be outgoing and personable, they are doing more than just bullshitting. They are growing. If "played" enough, that person can become outgoing and personable, and therefore, would no longer be bullshitting themselves or anyone else. You see, we have the ability to be anyone we want. It is why we have our personal flaws. That we may realize what kind of person we are actually meant to be by practicing against that flaw. The person that is angry can practice against that to become the patient and the gentle. That is why we have flaws, so that we can grow against them. How do we do that? Bullshitting... by practicing the opposite even though we don’t want to. This allows the naturally prideful man to become the naturally humble man. The naturally dishonest man to become the naturally honest man. The naturally cruel man to become the naturally loving and compassionate man. We are defined by what we say, think and do. So if we say think and do differently, eventually, that differently will become who we are. Everyone has the ability to be whoever they want to be. To mold themselves into whomever they need to. Especially if it goes against who you already are at that time.

But the second type of "bullshitting" is never something to justify. And honestly, it’s enough to piss off anyone. When someone finds truth and lives that truth out (finds a way of being and proud to live it out), that person shines as an individual and an example of the truths inside of him or her that define them. But when a person has those truths in who they are and covers them up from everyone else, it’s never a pleasant thing to see. People may do this to either "fit in", blend in, become accepted, remain accepted, and so much more. But what if someone is already "in" with the crowd and chooses to cover up who he is (and should be proud of being) just to blend in. That person fails to shine as an individual and an example to other people that those particular truths... are socially acceptable. These types of people, condone and encourage things in a social environment that they are very much, and passionately, against. So how is someone supposed to know that those truths are not to be ashamed of if the best of men hide it in their hearts and blend in with the rest, joining the stereotypical jackass way of being.

(The other night, being myself, I picked up a random woman walking on the side of the road to give her a ride home. It never matters to me what time of night it is, the persons sex, race, age or who they might be. That’s just me. She got in my car and not soon after (due to things I will not mention) I realized she was a prostitute and she wanted to "take care of me" for a ride home. She told me she was looking for a "good time" and I said I was too, but I don’t think we are talking about the same thing as I took her hand off my leg and held it in mine. She asked me then why did a handsome young man pick her up. I said to give her a ride home because it was cold out and no one should have to walk in this weather. She called me a liar in disbelief that a "sexy young man would ever be so kind to a stupid drunk invisible woman". She said that no one has ever passed a kind word to her or even acknowledged her existence unless they were looking for a "good time" at the bar she "attends" every night. She said that no one loves her and I grabbed her hand, looked into her eyes and said, "God loves you". She broke out crying, expressing all the hurt she has been through, never knowing an ounce of love or kindness from anyone and everything she does every day (going out every night, getting drunk, doing drugs and picking up men). In her fit of tears she said, "Why do I deserve to meet a good man like you just to tell me that God still loves me". It was very humbling. We talked for a couple more hours before I drove her home. At the end she told me she has been trying to kill herself and that night, I saved her life. I was deeply humbled and honored. Why should I have the blessing of being able to touch someone in that way...)

But regardless, if I were a bullshitter in what truth I have found and what I am truly passionate about I would have said nothing that I did (or would have half-assed it). That woman would have never felt that loved and I wouldn’t have been so humbled by her tears. Nothing is worse than seeing a good man or woman half-ass or cover up the goodness that they have found just for the sake of blending in to the point where he or she would encourage and condone that which they are completely against. What is the point in having truth in yourself if you don’t let anyone know it is there and no one else will explore truth for themselves. It’s pointless and disgusting. That brings a whole to meaning to the terms "faker", "bullshitter" and, excuse me for this, "pussy".

I have done this many times and I have also done just the opposite (shoving truths and my own passions down random people’s throats) and that’s never a good thing. But don’t cover it up in such a way that no one knows who you truly are or even believes you to be the opposite. There is no greater insult to your own dignity.

People need to search for who they want to be and just chill out, being that person at all times. No one likes a bullshitter.

Moderation in Virtue

Moderation is a key part of a responsible life. It is demanded in most everything. Moderation in substance (food, alcohol, cigarettes). Moderation in humor. Moderation in language. I consider myself to be a moderate. To be a moderate is to not lean any one way to any extreme in things that don’t demand absolute truths. Even politically. To have moderate political views means I do not lean completely one way or the other regarding government and politics. Instead, I find the best way is a healthy place in the middle. Without moderation, there are people like communists, liberals, and even what the world would consider to be "uber-conservatives" (going to such an extreme regarding things that have a truth attached, like being convinced that alcohol, in any small amount, is evil. Or a simple cigarette is damning). Moderation, of course, does not apply to everything. Such as things that are absolute "should or should not be’s”  (for example, having moderate political views, in no way, means I am not completely against the sick idea of abortion).

But has anyone ever thought that Virtues demand a certain amount of moderation?

To Love, to be humble, kind, patient, compassionate, strong, ect.... are the most important concepts of life to abide by. By saying virtue demands moderation, I do not mean one should not act fully on virtue. My purpose for correlating moderation with virtue is to express the truth of the Lies that can be hidden in them.

For example, Humility, is one of the strongest human characteristics to practice. It demands love, self-control, kindness, obligation and so much more. There is no limit in practicing Humility. However, in practicing it, a very dangerous lie could present itself. Part of, both, being a moderate and practicing humility has taught me how to present myself in social interactions. Especially ones where topics that go against the truths I am most passionate about are presented. "Bite my tongue" and just chill. Its like the phrase, preach by example, not by words. Humility plays a key role in this along with the realization that, strictly speaking, in particular random social situations, it is not my place. However, there is a lie that can sneak into this truth. To be a friend means to support and or share mutual understandings with. More importantly, it means to strive with. To be a crutch for. If one friend is jumping into the fire, the other would obviously pull him or her out. However, the lie presents itself that, like in random social situations, it is also not your place with your friend. This is the lie that can be presented with humility. With a friend (assuming you two are actually friends) your obligation in interaction with that friend is the opposite of ones obligation in a random social environment.

Some time ago, I had done something I deeply regret. When I brought it to my friend, he seemed to already know what happened. I asked him how he knew and he said he saw it happening. Tears filled my eyes as I asked in shock, "Why didn’t you step in and do something? Why didn’t you help me?". He replied, "Because it was not my place...". I had this friend for support and mutual goals. Someone to look to for help in times of weakness and vice versa. And when I needed him most, he let me fall... (because he thought "It wasn’t his place"). The obligations between friends are strong in support. Without that support, the word "friend" loses its definition.

This is not a reason to act only moderately on practicing humility. However, it is reason to think and be smart in the truth of the actual virtue being practiced. Even Compassion has lies that can be hidden in it, as well as many others...

-Do all things in Christ, and all will be right

The Obligation of Art

In this life, it is imperative that we all find the means to ensure a steady and secure life for ourselves and our loved ones. This is why we have colleges and jobs. To be financially stable through life is our definition of being secure. But has anyone given thought to what "being secure" actually means? It is to be happy with one’s life and achievements.

In "The Good Will", part of Kant’s philosophy (sorry, I know i mention him alot, even though his philosophy has the most holes in it, I feel it is the closest one can get to thoroughly defining ways of life in absolute terms) he mentions an obligation, on our behalf, of giving to society what we subjectively can. This means, if one has a passion for helping people, their obligation would be to pursue that natural passion as a way of giving to the human race. Said ones would become nurses, doctors, or elderly care professionals. However, how many of us are so quick to shoot for those titles with the simple intent of being "secure" in life. Even if it contradicts ones actual passions. Granted, some are meant to become salesmen, finance specialists and so on, but how many of us settle for that when our passions are different? Just as a means of support and financial security....induced by fear.

This is where our subjective obligations set it. The obligation of art is strongly looked through as nothing in this world. This is because our world is set up so that those who enforce art for the society are less likely to be "safe" in terms of money and a secure life. It has induced a fear in many great people, with great potential, causing them to give into the "normal" life of dedicating themselves to giving to society in a completely different way. Yes, we need doctors and bankers, but I have met people with passions that correlate to those titles. What this world also needs is art. Art, whether it be through music or other entertainments, is the fuel for our hearts and souls. Our minds and the physicality’s of this world do matter, but we are nothing without steady and inspired hearts. Art gives this to us, courtesy of the artists who produce it. Kant states that if one has a passion for art, than it is his or her obligation to produce that art as a gift to society. Yet those who have said passions are living in fear of failure.

I myself aim to become a filmmaker. Creating stories has been a huge passion of mine since before puberty. This is in all details; its visuals, its storyline and its music in correlation with the emotions of particular scenarios in order to produce an intense feeling in the audience. However, this passion of mine is so deeply rooted that I began to realize I would have to do it all in order for it to come to life. That is, become a writer, director and a producer and somehow manage to get somewhere near the top in order to be noticed. With this realization during my teenage years, I lost all hope in pursuing it.

About a year ago, when I was twenty, I came to another realization. After praying long and hard about what God wanted me to do with my life for three steady years and receiving no answer, I realized he had already given me the answer. He made me with the heart and mind that I have and they obtain a strong passion for filmmaking as a means to express my art. That was my answer. It wasn’t a question of how incapable I am (very), how hard I have to work for it (alot) or the chances it will all work out (impossible). It was just a question of how God had made me and the passions he engraved in me. Regardless of what I can or cannot accomplish, anything can be done through him. I have decided to continue thinking that I cannot do it. The difference is, along with that thinking is the acknowledging that I will do more than my very best and with trust in God, his will will be done.

Still, after being on this road for so little time now, only being 21, the doubts of reality set in again. When I think about how many of my favorite artists never made it as far as they "thought" they would. But even in the midst’s of these doubts, God comforts me by telling me to shut up, work, and trust.

This is when I decided to get my first and only tattoo. I have wanted one for years but could never think of one to get. I was listening to a song by my favorite artist, Matt MacDonald of The Classic Crime, and was captured by some of the lyrics. Although the reason I decided to permanently engrave them onto my body may have been for different purposes than what the actual words in the song meant generally, I feel they subjectively apply perfectly. Those words are: "I will walk through the Fire, I will not be Afraid". The Classic Crime is a perfect example of what is demanded of art by the convictions their art has engraved on its listeners that has benefited society more than the band will ever fully know, sadly. I admire these men for fallowing, and succeeding in, their obligations and the gift they have given thousands of people. Those words proudly remain on me as a perpetual reminder that, although I know I am incapable, that it is going to be a long and hard road, that I will never live comfortably and that it may never come to life the way I want it to, as long as I work my best on it and trust in God, the outcome will be amazing and, more importantly, my life will be a happy one.

This is my obligation of Art...

Impairment

For all those who may unfortunately stumble across this note, what I have to say may not settle with you. For that I apologize, even though I have no problem expressing a truth. I just need to vent out my thoughts.

      The purpose of this note is to express my understanding on impairment. For all those who don’t know what it means to be impaired or to impair, it means to diminish, damage, or weaken. To function poorly or incompetently. In today’s society and culture it has become not only normal but good to impair oneself. To impair our minds. We do this to "cool off", "relax" or my favorite, "loosen up". We do this through psychoactive drugs (drugs that alter and impair ones reasoning and judgment process). Under this category of drugs that act as impairers and distorters are drugs like ecstasy, cocaine, heroin, marijuana and more. If looked up, alcohol is the first substance listed under psychoactive drugs. DO NOT GET ME WRONG. There is nothing wrong with alcohol in and of itself (physically, socially or morally). In fact it is a blessing, much like talorham-egg-and cheese (love them!). It is a beverage and should be treated as such. However, the way we in society treat the concept of alcohol is so obviously wrong and yet even the best of men go blindly to it.

      Alcohol is a gift (like everything else). It is a beverage with the purpose of being enjoyed, whether it be socially, personally or recreationally. I myself love the opportunity to sit down, relax, and enjoy a beer or two with a couple friends. However, the difference is I see it for what it is. A beverage to be enjoyed. I love apple juice, but I would never drink thirteen bottles of apple juice in one sitting. So why would I drink thirteen beers in one sitting. Its common sense. This with the assumption that I don’t have the intent of drinking retardedly excess amounts of a substance just to screw my head up. (which will be getting into the meat of my point next).

     People have a lot of different definitions for the term "drunk". With the truth in this, one can almost say the truth in its definition is subjective. It's really not. Being "drunk" is to be in a state of mind that is not your own, normal. That is to say, when your mind is impaired, by means of substance, to the point where it has effected your rational thought process (the way you think), your judgment process and, in turn, your ability to thoroughly choose as a result, even in the slightest way. The reason, in science, that we have the classification of “psychoactive” drugs is so that we may distinguish between other drugs. Drugs such as caffeine or nicotine that act as “stimulants”. Stimulants are arousers and exciters. They, quite literally, stimulate the mind and in turn enhance ones physical well-being.  “Psychoactive” drugs, on the other hand, are impairers. These are the drugs that Distort one’s mind. They impair ones reasoning and judgment process. Your reasoning and judgment is self-obtained through experiences and the lessons the individual has come to learn in their life. In them lies subjective and individualized strengths that enable us to have the ability to choose how we want to think, act and speak, regardless of social influences and how the individual may desire to think, speak or act. This defines free will. Being stimulated by caffeine is not the same as being impaired by a “psychoactive” drug.  So when people list the steps to impairment by saying "happy, buzzed, tipsy, drunk, smashed", what they mean to say is "drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk and drunk". If you drink enough to effect the way you feel, think, speak, or act in the slightest way, (that is to say, if you are effected by alcohol in the slightest way) you are impaired and therefore you are drunk. Granted, there are different levels in impairment and therefore, different gravities. But just because something is less of a larger amount does not mean it holds no gravity. It just means it holds less. That’s like, (assuming one believes drugs to be immoral), saying that smoking crack is wrong but smoking weed is not, because it’s not as large of an effect. Obviously this is untrue. Just because the effect is less does not mean the gravity disappears all together. For the effect is what holds the gravity and by saying it’s just a little effect is the same as saying it’s just a little gravity, so treat it as such.

      The physical, scientific, and moral truths on the matter are absolute. However, the obtaining of this state is strictly subjective. One might have a sip of wine and be flat out retarded whereas I would have to have several beers in order for it to have an effect on me. Both states are the same in that an effect has taken place and therefore hold the same amount of truth in terms of science, body and morality. However each state was obtained differently. If the one that becomes impaired by a sip of alcohol rightfully aims to not impair oneself, if necessary, that persons obligation would be to never have a sip of wine (or build up a tolerance so he or she can enjoy an alcoholic beverage every once in a while) ... and I never more than just a few beers to be safe. As for the reasons one might not want to impair one's self? Well it's quite obvious.

   When you are impaired, as explained, your reasoning and judgment process has been damaged and distorted. This is not just a theory. It’s fact. You can find it in neuroscience (biology of the mind) under psychoactive drugs. Your reasoning and judgment allow you to act on those obtained strengths that give us the ability to choose to go against natural inclination. With those impaired and damaged you would find yourself thinking differently, speaking differently and acting differently then you normally would with these traits fully intact. You can’t deny this, the evidence is why we even have the word "drunk". (you act differently)
  
        Therefore, when you are drunk, you are literally being a different person. One would commonly argue that drinking makes them more of who they are (it emphasizes their personality). But then again, we are defined by our strengths, not our inclinations. At the very core, we are all the same. We are all inclined to act on our pride, our desires, our selfishness and however else we desire or feel. What gets in the way of that? Our rational thought, our judgment process. The strengths we personally obtain to act against those inclinations are what makes us individuals and different from all the rest. With this, we have the ability to choose what we think, say or do, regardless of what we are inclined to do. It enables free will. You have the ability to not do what you want to do and to do what you do not want to do. When you are drunk, those strengths are damaged. Your rational and judgment processes are damaged. Therefore it impairs your free will. You no longer have as strong the ability to choose how you think, speak or act. You are just weaker and therefore it is easier to act more on your natural inclinations (your instinct). So when you are drunk, you are not more of who you are, you are less. You are more of an animal and more like everyone else. Why would you want to even do that in the smallest way. Unless you hate yourself and would rather be a shallow, unguarded, retarded machine. And even if so, can you honestly define it as objectively rite?

Its like putting your middle finger up to God and saying "F you and who you made me to be and who I have fought to become. I'm going to mindlessly drink much more of this stuff than is logically normal just so I can be different and act as if I have none of the strengths I, through your help, have obtained."

    One could also argue that the only wrong, in excessive drinking, morally speaking, is the actions one commits while under the influence. This only more solidifies my point in that: why would you commit these “actions” unless you were drunk? But the actions, in and of themselves, hold their own moral gravity even in regards to the fact that one is intoxicated. The intent to intoxicate oneself is where the wrong originated and therefor it is the intoxicating that hold the moral gravity in and of itself. (Regardless of how ones actions are judged after that)

     Because of these obvious truths, I don’t know what irritates me more. Those who just don’t care and drink however much they want no matter what... Or those who claim that they have an understanding that getting "drunk" (to their definition) is wrong but there is nothing wrong with getting a little bit buzzed or tipsy. (Like the example with smoking pot and doing a stronger drug) It is the Same thing. Just different levels of impairment. Obviously one can be more "wrong" than the other, but that does not mean a lower level of such holds no moral gravity. Why cant we just chill with our beer or two, our glass of wine, our mixed drink. Why does it have to be a goal to drink a lot more than anyone would normally if alcohol was not involved, just to damage and impair who you have grown to be. It’s sad. Not to say I have not had my fair share of "fun" and am without flaw when it comes to this matter in my personal life. But we all mess up. The difference is knowing an obvious wrong and trying against it, regardless of stupid past (and possibly present) mistakes.

    It hurts to see GOOD people go so blindly to this without a care. Many of them my friends. They live for Christ and yet they insult him every week and think nothing of it. I have gotten to a point where it is hard to find a good person with mutual understandings of this issue involving morality. I am extremely blessed to have a couple of my best friends hold an understanding of this close to their hearts. But even so, in a world so large, with so many amazing people, most the time I feel alone in this. No matter where I turn; left, my friends from high school  getting drunk and acting like jackasses; right, my family and my brothers having parties with the simple and insecure intent of getting together and getting wasted. Everywhere I turn I am let down and there is no hope for a good person to be found who understands this. That would be a great support. Even though, most every night i can, I have a beer or two with my two best friends who share this mutual support, it still for some reason is not enough to block out the hurt of being disappointed everywhere i turn with everyone I meet, have met, have known, am getting to know and am already friends with, blindly taking part in their shallow fun with no thought on it.

If anyone, and i mean anyone, has a mutual understanding on this matter, please comment below. Even though the matter itself is not such a massive one, the support would really help.....

"Self"-Dependent World

We live in a self-dependent world. This meaning, everything we do, whether it be our actions, reactions, inclinations, desires, goals, words, ect..., is based off of selfishness. Why is that?

Have you ever talked to a man who said that if someone else punched him in the face, he would not hit them back? If so you are blessed. I myself pride my understandings on compassion that I would not. But that does not mean I am excluded from this "self-indulged" way of being. But there is a difference in realizing this truth and striving for it, and not giving a "shit" about it. (Which, come to think of it, is also pretty selfish.)

So many wrongs in this world are given birth to by selfishness (if not, kept alive by). Objectivity, treating people as a means for your own.... This is just one of many. Using people for your own selfish gain. This streches everywhere from playing the "friend" dispossition in order to simplify your life (such as car rides, access to necessary substances or tools, or even just taking advantage of someones generosity), to acting on lust in order to saticefy a "natural" inclination to express ones sexuality and desires (such as checking someone out, using objective terms to discribe someone soley focussed on their looks and/or body, or even engaging in shallow activity just for a sense of animal release). We use people all the time. We use our freinds to get what we want, we use our classmate to provide us with necessary musts in education, we men use woman as eye-candy to serve our animal inclinations and selfish cheap sexual gratifications, you women use men as objects as well to serve that same purpose, we use manipulation in order to obtain money or abuse someones kindness for our own selfish desires..... the list of objectivity goes on and on. The more its delved into, the sader it becomes.

Emotions and dispossitions can be a form of selfishness. Our goals and set acheivements we place in our days and lives are soley focussed on. We go throughout our days with little to no regard of other people. We are only set and focussed on what we have to do in order to get what we want. Our personal emotions are self-based. When we go through something, all that matters is what we are going through, no one else. We are so self involved with our troubles and how we feel that we dont even realize that the person you pass while walking or the person you sit next to in class is going through something ten times worse and the hurt is unbearable (when we, as other people, can do something to help that person). But all that matters is ourselves so no one is going to recieve any help or compassion from you, and you wont recieve any compassion or help from anyone else.

Pride is the root of selfishness (as well as being the root of many other destructive things). We are all naturally inclined to act and react on our pride. What people often fail to realize is that we are defined by our obtained strengths that oppose our natural inclinations. Men often pride themselves on the mentioning of a "definition" of a man (being of ego, pride, physical strength, a "dont F with' attitude). I am definately not excluded from this. But its become a sad thing to hear when someone says "Yeah, this dude picked a fight with me and I totally nailed him" or "Dude! this waiter was such a tool! we went outside and egged his car. Hell yea!". Is there anything more sad than that? Watching people express their failer in resisting the giving into said inclination because of pride, revenge or shallow laughs? There is no visible sight to mans greatest trait, compassion. No one takes into consideration the hurt of others. Hurt is a powerful thing. The physical hurt is not what is most deadly. The deadliest hurt lays in the heart, even though that hurt can be powerfully sparked by physical hurt as well. No one deserves to be hurt, even if that person is the one hurting. Can anyone honestly say that two getting hurt is better than one? So why then to we react on our pride? hurting those who hurt us? Maintaining a consistancey in the encouragement of hurting people?

Experiment: (This situation holds no moral "right or wrong" on the experimentees part. However, it involves strong matters of humility, compassion and heart). Imagine two men were to jump you in a random place at a random time and start pushing you around. They laugh and call you names as they begin to get more violent. Although you have the means to rightfully defend youself and "drop them", for the time being, it would appear that you are completey at their mercy. Yet they continue to brutally beet you down, all while laughing and calling you names. As opposed to choosing to continue being at their mercy, begging them to stop, pleading and taking the pain they dish out regardless, how many of you would fight back, defent yourself, use those means to "drop them" if available? And how many of you, with knowlege that you could "kick their asses", would choose to continue being at their mercy, continue to take their ongoing and painful beating without even throwing a punch? Even though the right (logically and morally) to defend yourself would be yours, there is a strong matter of compassion, humility and love that goes into these answers. The question could be rephrased like this: Would you take a severe beeting if it meant someone else not getting hurt? If you answer that with "But if he is the one beating me, he deserves it!" you are not getting my point and you do not have the heart you are supposed to try for. I dont think anyone deserves to be hurt. Just because someone might be hurting you, dose not make it kind, caring, compassionate and loving of you to cause hurt in them as well. So ask yourself these questions and other insane ones like them. It will help establish how you are and what goals of dispossition you are trying for. I for one have a goal of dispossition, Christ. I suck at it and am nowhere near it. But he is based off of complete and total love, humility and compassion. And therefore, I want to form myself to act and react as he would, recardless of "moral acceptings" and "rights".